Lucy and Mr. Bean Clean a Camera

You know those physical comedians like Mr. Bean who crack you up at how exaggerated they are and how utterly nonsensical the situation they get themselves in seems?  Well, this morning I was Lucille Ball all over the place, but instead of melting into a puddle and bawling, I totally Mr. Beaned it and walked away as if there was nothing too see behind me (as the house was burning down).

This morning I was preparing my camera and lenses for a photo shoot this afternoon.  I had my primary camera at the beach all summer so I figured there was surely sand in every crack so it was due for a good cleaning.  I was so pleased with myself as I pulled out my lens baby and my lintless lens paper and cleaned all of the lenses and filters and brushed the dust off my camera.  However, as I was removing a lens from the camera body I thought, hmmm, maybe I should dust off the sensor real quick with this dusty lens baby brush I just used all over the outside of my filthy camera body, BRILLIANT!  Cue the clown music.

I put my 85mm lens on and looked through the camera—WHAT THE HELL?!  There’s dust and even a stray bristle like the kind that come off a cheap paintbrush all over my sensor, I felt nauseous.

Surely, all I need to do is open it up and blow on it now, that should do it.  Nope.

Imagine this, I’m wearing my lintiest cotton bathrobe as I feverishly blow, and now wrap Qtips up with lint-free lens paper and rub them wildly on my sensor…then replace my lens and gasp, ACK!  It’s WORSE!  Holy shit!  I have to leave for this photo shoot in 30 mins.  Maybe I should take a break and eat something, that will clear my head.

Egg sandwich consumed.

Now I’m googling “cleaning your Canon sensor” because I have plenty of time to figure this out.

By now you’re wondering (among other things) don’t you have another camera body you can use?  You’re a professional, right?  YES, duh, of course I have my back-up camera that’s missing a battery that I totally forgot about ordering.  No big deal.  This has been my “go-to” back up camera for a while but quite honestly, I’ve never needed because my camera is AMAZING and has never let me down…too bad that hasn’t gone both ways, sorry camera.

The flail continued even after I read the very helpful website on how to clean your sensor at home (step 1, order these exact materials)…then did the opposite and made a bloody mess of my sensor.  It was a like a techno crime scene.

One thing you have to understand about a photographer’s primary camera is that its an extension of your own hand.  You know the buttons, you know how to set it up with barely a glance, you know the feel of it.  Your back-up camera is like a clumsy teenage sex scene—awkward, unfamiliar but the job gets done.  Sigh, crap, I guess I’ll bring both.

On the way to the shoot I get the brilliant idea to buy some canned air—it just might blow all that shit off my sensor!  (FYI, the UPS store and Harris Teeter grocery store do NOT have canned air so don’t waste your time.  Also, Walgreens has tons of stuff I need and didn’t even know it.)  I am going to shock you now and tell you that the canned air was semi-successful and I may be editing out some spots out but the images are lovely.

Even Lucille and Mr. Bean get lucky sometimes.

PS. I’m sending my camera body off to be cleaned properly now.

PPS. My husband just read this from the other side of the world and is probably snorting a laugh and shaking his head at me…he loves me.

A Tangled Web

October 16, 2002

Weird dreams again last night.  Since I’ve been here I’ve had dreams about trying to chase a man down and shoot him but I kept fumbling around with my magazine and barely got it loaded in time to shoot him.  I finally put the gun to his head and then woke up.  Last night I dreamt that I put my hair in rollers and when it was time to take them out, my hair was burnt to the roller and stuck to them.  I wasn’t upset though—that was the funny part.  I just sat there saying, well, I guess I’ll have short hair now.  Strange.

Well, my predecessor, Michelle, got on the freedom bird and flew out of here today.  She earned it after 6 months.  That will be a cherished moment knowing on my way home to my yummy hubby.

Well, my dad always told me to think before I speak and never let my “mouth overload your butt.”  Good advice—I wish I would have remembered that this week!  I commented twice about how cultish and baby-making the Mormon’s are around and to Stephanie (a girl who is from my Alaska unit deployed here at the same time).  Finally, today, I said, “you’re not Mormon are you?” (please say no, please say no…I thought)…but she responded, “Yes, but not practicing.  My parents are, I just didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”  Well, I was ashamed of myself and deserved to be made uncomfortable.  The only reason the subject ever came up was because she said her mother’s church had sent her 30 copies of the Book of Mormon in Russian.  (We worked with Russians and Steph spoke Russian.) Well, I’m obviously a horrible intel officer not to but those indicators together and immediately deduce that she’s obviously Mormon or at LEAST her mom is!  IDIOT!  But, the lesson I’m learning here is what I should have learned and applied from Tuesday’s reading about slander.  “The tongue, being in a wet place, is apt to slip.”

“Today let only thoughts that bless

Dwell in my heart and mind;

Silence my lips and tongue to all

That wounds or is unkind”

-white

Well, I’ve always admitted that it takes a hard lesson for me to learn so hopefully, this was mine.

k

Fast Forward:  I’ve come to not only accept, embrace and love humanities differences but now I am wiser and teach my daughter kindness and acceptance.  I also teach her that although we don’t look the same, talk the same or pray the same—we are all of the same creator and should all be treated with dignity and respect.  My journey is different from hers but it is mine…and hers is hers.  Love is love is love is love.michellestephme

Michelle, Stephanie, and me playing Charlie’s Angels before Michelle flew away